Dear Bing & Yahoo!,
You still suck majorly and I’ll tell you why! I don’t care that you just merged together to fight big-bad Google. You’ll both probably end up just shitting your pants and crying in the corner (like always) while Google kicks your ass anyways!
Now even though I just bashed you pretty hard, I’m not here to tear you down. I’m really here to say WTF! My website has been live since January of this year and Google is the only one pulling me traffic.
Now I know I don’t get tons of traffic, but I’ve been live for almost 9 months now guys. It’s time to get with the program. If Google’s algorithm (which I believe to be pretty good) sees fit to rank me, then why can’t you guys figure it out?
Google’s Bitch
Google makes up 98% of my search engine traffic over the last month. That’s 98-flippin-percent! That is unacceptable guys…
Yahoo! has the same amount of pages indexed as Google, but you must just hate me. Bing (and its glorious index), you’re the real offender here. You only have 4 of my pages indexed, compared to 200+ in any other search engine that I check. The best thing about it is one of those pages is my XML sitemap, which is literally an up-to-date list of every URL on my website! This fact just boggles my freakin mind.
Four. 4. Drei. Cuatro. You have a list of every URL on my site indexed, and this is the best you can do? Really?
It’s Not You, It’s Me
My initial thought was, what did I do wrong? Did I sleep with your sister or something? I don’t have any nofollows or anything that would block you, so I’m beginning to think that you just don’t like me. So initially, I blamed myself.
But now I know it’s not me, it’s you.
I know why you guys merged….
Bing: Like beautiful bimbo, you’ve got that pretty new face, but there is no substance behind it. So you went and bought the rights to Yahoo’s search index to make up for your, how do I say…lack of brains. So until the quality of your index improves, you’ll just be another pretty face for Google to do with as it pleases.
Yahoo!: Grow a pair. You should have fought a lot harder. Now you’ve sold out, so we will probably be saying goodbye sometime soon.
All I wanted was to be friends. All I wanted is a little traffic. I may have even left Google for you? That’s fine though, Google has never let me down. I guess it won’t matter when you go under next year anyways?
Respectfully (and with my middle-finger firmly raised),
Jacob Stoops (aka Agent SEO)
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